So I heard a rumor today online that the villain they are considering for the next Iron Man movie is the Sub-Mariner.  I actually think this is a pretty cool idea.  The Sub-Mariner was always kind of a mysterious character who had his own agenda and complete contempt and disregard for surface dwellers.  He was like a cool Aquaman.  I also really like him because he looked a lot like a Vulcan, and I have always been a big Spock fan.

This will actually prove a nice challenge for Tony Stark.  Does his suit even work underwater?  I don’t expect it to rust or anything dumb like that, but is it truly water proof?  Do the repulsors work underwater?  How long of an air supply has he built into the suit?  In the first movie the thing flared out in the upper atmosphere, so maybe there is no air supply, just some kind of filter.  I am really curious.

Of course, the very first Iron Man as seen in this image I found in Dave’s comic book t shirts was really primitive, showing there is an evolution of the suit technology.  Maybe the movie will start off with the suit not really able to do anything under water and Tony having to modify it into an aqua suit.  That would be cool.

Of course, in my comic book recollection the Sub-Mariner was always more of a Fantastic Four villain, but maybe I missed a few issues.

Jason

So I read online that they are casting Gael Garcia Bernal to play Zorro in the next reboot.  My first thought was who cares about a Zorro movie?  Zorro has always been kind of a dumb character in my book.  Like the Three Musketeers, he suffers from the fact that he looks like a ponce in his outfit and is fighting with a sword when any idiot could just shoot him with a black powder gun.

Then I read that they are considering making the new Zorro a futuristic post apocalyptic story and my second thought was how dumb.  Why mess with something that has worked for decades?  Does there really need to be a re-imagining of Zorro?

But then I combined those two thoughts and came up with my final thought on the matter, how freaking cool could this movie actually be?  I love post apocalyptic anything and this could possibly take care of a lot of the costume and sword issues that have plagued the story from the start.  I think this could possibly be one of the best Zorro movies ever.

This children are the future image was the closest I could find for a post apocalyptic image.  It comes from the funny t shirts Dave carries.

Interesting trivia: the Mask of Zorro was the movie Bruce Wayne was watching with his parents right before they got killed.  I suppose I could have pulled a Batman image pretty easily.  Oh well.

Jason

So I just read online that Will Smith has agreed to do a sequel to I am Legend, the horrible remake of the really good Omega Man starring Charlton Heston.  Didn’t his character die at the end of I am Legend?  Unless they expect us to believe that he is such a bad ass he was able to fight off about 100 infected humans with a scalpel.  Also, didn’t he blow himself up with a grenade?

The really funny thing is the only thing they took from the book and movie was the title.  The reason it was called I am Legend was the one remaining human survivor wasn’t really a scientist.  He was a guy who would go out every day and kill the infected humans as they slept.  What he didn’t realize was that over time they were regaining control of their higher brain functions and were reforming society, just a sort of vampire/zombie can’t stand the light sort of way, and he was becoming a legend as a supernatural mass murderer.  Very cleverly done in my opinion.  This movie was total crap and the fact that it made serious money means the movie going audience is comprise of morons.

Dave doesn’t have any I Am Legend merchandise so I lifted this image from his zombie t shirts.  He says I should put in an image for each post.  It’s not really an infected human like in I am Legend.  More of a classic zombie.  You get the idea.

Jason

So it may surprise some of you that I am actually a fan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  However, I am a fan of  them back when they were actually ninjas who killed people, not scooter riding kiddie cartoons throwing pizzas at each other.  The very first TMNT movie almost captured that, at least to an extent, but everything afterward, especially the cartoon, has basically been pap for soft brained kids.  Actually, it’s pap that soft brains kid’s parents all think their kids should love.  In my experience most kids are totally cool with ninjas killing guys.

Anyway, I read this morning that they are rebooting the movie series, and Michael Bey will be filming it.  Unlike Dave I don’t really have a problem with Bey as long as he doesn’t keep putting in whiny little girls as the male protagonists.  My hope is that he manages to bring the turtles back to when they were kind of kick ass and dangerous, as seen in this image from the Comic Boot T-Shirts.  With the advances in CGI and Beys skill with it the action could be pretty good, and odds are he will find some brainlessly super hot girl to have his camera linger over every scene.  However, if he caves into the modern pressure to produce inoffensive crap expect to see a lame PG film with nothing actually resembling blood or drama.

Jason

I think he has talked about it on some of his blogs or descriptions, but in case you didn’t know this Dave, who is a fully grown 6’5″ 250lbs guy, is deathly afraid of clowns.  Mimes too, but clowns really freak him out.  Some friends of ours showed this movie Killer Klowns from Outer Space a couple years ago and I thought he was going to pass out.  The image comes from his Movie T shirts, but I don’t know how he managed to force himself to order these shirts.  He must have been drunk to get through the process.

The reason this is funny is the video game Twisted Metal, which I played the crap out of, has some of the coolest and scariest clowns of all time.  These are clowns possessed by Satan and amped up on crystal meth.  Sweet Tooth was my favorite, but Doll Face was cool and of course, who can’t but love Calypso?

The other part about this that is funny is Dave sucks at pretty much all driving games and I have kicked is ass at Twisted Metal many times.  He is better at RTS and point-and-click MMORP crap like WOW, but can’t touch me on anything with a steering wheel.  I think I will go to this movie with him just to see the blood drain from his face.

Jason

So Michael Bey is talking about his plans for the upcoming Transformers 4 and has said he plans to get rid of all the actors and start fresh.  I totally applaud this move, as the human actors in these movies suck.  My next suggestion to Mr. Bey is when he is starts casting his new movie he take all the human characters and fill the roles with more robots.

Remember the glorious cartoon where the only humans were Spike and once in a while his father, and really their only job was to ask stuff like “Why would Megatron do something like that?” just so Optimus Prime could explain what was going on to them and the audience?  How the movie was about the Autobots and the Decpticons, not about Sam Witwicki trying to find a job and his parents shopping for matching jogging outfits?  You know, pretty much what Transformers are supposed to be about?  How about that for a movie?  Human suck, robots rule.  Do that and I will totally be cool with any amount of explosions Micheal Bey wants to shove into his movie.

By the way, apparently Dave doesn’t have any Transfomers shirts on his site, so I found this cool robot image in the Vintage T Shirt pile.  I think it’s pretty cool.

Jason

So I read something disturbing today.  The comic book character Ghost Rider, shown here from the Marvel Comic T Shirts, was created by an artist named Gary Friedrich.  When the lame Ghost Rider movie came out he tried to sue, claiming that while he did not have the rights to the Ghost Rider comic book he should have the rights to the movie.  He lost, which is what happens when you go against a major corporation in this country.

However, I just found out that he has been supporting himself in retirement by going to comic book conventions and signing autographs as the creator of Ghost Rider, just like any number of other artist do.  The thing is, Marvel has sued him for the right to claim he created anything, and want him to pay them the $17,000 he has made over the last couple years.  The thing is, they are not denying that he created GR.  They just don’t want him telling anyone that he did.

The other part that sucks about this is Marvel is worth billions and probably spends more than $17 grand a day in executive toilet paper.  All that and they still want to take money away from a 68 year old retiree?  Really?  Personally I see this as a sign of the negative influence Disney has had on them.  “When you dance with the devil the devil doesn’t change.  The devil changes you.”  That quote was from 8MM, by the way.

Bottom line, Marvel is showing themselves to be pretty heartless here.  I would say don’t go see the new Ghost Rider movie.  The first one sucked anyway, and it still stars Nicholas Cage, who for some reason can’t seem to play any role well lately.

Jason.

So a couple days ago George Lucas did an interview with SlashFilm in which he stated that it was always been his intention to show Greedo shooting first and missing badly from a distance of two feet in an effort to paint Han Solo as something other than the criminal drug smuggler he was.  Oh, sorry I meant to say spice smuggler.  Anyway, he lays the blame firmly on the poor editing techniques they had back in the 70′s.  This Star Wars logo is from the Star Wars T Shirts, by the way.

The thing is he never had any of the same issues in any of the other scenes involving blaster battles or complicated angles, and that shot didn’t look all that difficult to shoot.  The real thing, however, is that as a kid I was really into Star Wars and would buy anything I could afford with the Star Wars logo on it.  In one case I bought the book adaptation from the movie and in the book Han shot first without Greedo even pulling the trigger.  This book was licensed and approved by George as well.  Is he going to tell us that due to the 1970′s book writing techniques he couldn’t accurately show that Greedo shot first?

The very fact that he expects us to by this line of crap is conclusive proof that he actually has no respect for the fans of Star Wars at all.  It would have been a lot more acceptable if he had just said something like “Look, I wanted to clean up Han Solo’s image a little when I had the chance.”  Instead he is going to lie to us and expect us to buy his bull.  For shame, Lucas.

Jason

So while listening to Geektime this morning I heard that the new Star Wars Kinnect will be coming out soon.  I don’t really have any problem with that.  The problem I have is that it is supposed to include a dance off feature where you can dance against or as Darth Vader.  This is wrong on so many levels it boggles my mind.  This Vader image is from the Star Wars tshirts, by the way.

It seems pretty obvious now that not only was George Lucas specifically not responsible for all the things that made Star Wars great but actually does not get the movies himself at all and possible has never actually watched them.  Darth Vader should never dance.  The very idea of him dancing is so wrong that anyone suggesting it should probably be executed for the good of humanity.  Darth Vader is in all ways cool, menacing, and deadly.  The only people dancing around him should be the people he is force choking for failure.

However, it seems pretty obvious that Lucas really doesn’t care one bit about Star Wars and would willingly show any of his characters engaged in illegal and immoral sexual acts if someone offered him enough money.  He started it with the Holiday Special and has steadily spiraled down and down.  By the way, his dumb 3D Phantom Menace comes out this weekend.  Join me in specifically not seeing this opus and no longer supporting him in any way.

Jason

So I was reading online last night about the new Spider-man movie and saw a bunch of weirdo fan boys whining because they cast someone else besides Tobey Maguire as Spider-man.  Honestly, I am cool with this decision.  The fact is, a real fan of Spider-man is a fan of the comic book hero.  Even a fan of the movies has to be a fan of the mask.  Peter Parker is just there to give context to the problems Spider-man faces when not punching out bad guys.  Also, in general Peter Parker is supposed to be a young guy and Tobey is starting to push the limit.

For that matter, I don’t really think Tobey Maguire has defined Peter Parker with his amazing acting ability, and his willingness to turn Peter Parker into a total emo cretin in the last movie has really caused him to lose any claim he might have had on the roll.  Anyone who is QQing about Tobey Maguire is obviously just a Tobey Maguire fan, not a Spider-man fan.  Honestly I can’t really think of a real reason to be a Maguire fan, unless you are really hot for him.  I looked at his other movies and they all look like junk.  I, and I think most of the world, am ready for him to slink off into obscurity, resurfacing 20 years from now to sign autographs at Comic Con.

The new guy looks shockingly like Tobey, so I guess you won’t have your brain broken too much having to watch him.  The image above I pulled off a new comic book t-shirt Dave just had the guys upload onto the site.  Talk to you soon.

Jason