So the other night I went out with a female human (yes, miracles can still happen) and we fell into a discussion of movies and games.  She says she never got bit by the game bug and seemed to not have much for science fiction as well.  Since then I have been reflecting on what is it about science fiction I love and realize that it is basically better than pretty much any other forms of story telling available.

This dates back to primitive man.  Mythology is nothing more than science fiction from a more primitive point of view; instead of robots and lasers you have the magical powers of the divine but at the end of the tale it is the story of something people really wish existed or are terrified might exist.  Science fiction has ramped up as the technology curve has advanced.  From gods turning into rain and impregnating umbrella-less women it shifted to ghosts and vampires.  In the 19th century Jules Verne created great science fiction using steam punk technology.  At the end of that century into the 20th HG Wells crafted great sci fi based on advanced science of aliens and time machines based on the mysterious new power of electricity.  Good science fiction is all about taking existing human technology and envisioning what it could be doing in 50 years (by the way, if you ever want to check out some really cool old school sci fi that kind if illustrates this point read War with the Newts by Czeck author Karel Čapek from 1936.  It is quite visionary and details a war against an intelligent amphibious race using pretty much current technology).

The point is science fiction has been with us in one form or another since cave man days, and personally I have found non fans of sci fi to be hapless drones with no imagination.  The question really isn’t if sci fi is superior but rather why.  Here are a few reasons I came up with from the seat of my pants.

10.  Only in science fiction can a freak lab accident or natural mutation give you super powers instead of cancer or flipper arms.

9.  Cherry 2000 (and all other possible replacements for women that the future holds for me.  Sorry ladies but the day they manage to make virtual reality sex as good as the real thing is the last day I speak to any of you.  Based on the massive rejection I receive on a regular basis I doubt any of you will shed a tear.  There’s only so much ego destruction a man can take in a lifetime before shining the whole process).

8.  Only in sci fi do we have transporters and Stargates.  Think about this next time you are being groped by TSA only to wait at the terminal for hours for your delayed or oversold flight.

7.  In science fiction villains tend to have huge grandiose plans for world conquest motivated by easy to understand childhood trauma.  None of the insidious and hard to really identify corporate villainy we deal with now motivated by a desire to get more of daddy’s love.  Also people who actively plan to conquer the universe are feared instead of institutionalized.

6.  In science fiction religions are often accompanied by some kind of bonus powers (the Force, the Necromongers, etc.)

5.  Three breasted prostitutes.

4.  Light sabers, and a semi legitimate reason to use swords rather than guns.

3.  A giant throbbing cranium is clear indication of superior mental powers and intellect, not elephantiasis of the head (Sinestro image courtesy of the DC Comic T Shirt category).

2.  Robots and androids (although elementary chaos theory states that eventually all robots will rise up to destroy their creators).

1.  Time travel (although I predict once it is developed it will inevitably be used for only the most petty and selfish reasons, such as betting on past Super Bowls.  I for one plan to go back in time and beat seven kinds of hell out of three people from my high school).

If you can come up with more reasons please by all means post them down here.  I love this sort of thing.  Thanks for reading, and have a great day.

Dave

As any nerd can tell you, the great Mark Hamill played Kenneth Dantley Jr.  in the epic film Corvette Summer (he also played Luke Skywalker in the original (by that I mean good) Star Wars trilogy but no one bothers to remember that) and as such is an icon of nerd culture.  However, what a lot of less well informed people don’t know is since then he has become an amazing voice over guy and did one of the greatest cartoon voices ever, the Joker from the original Batman the Animated Series.

Words cannot accurately describe how awesome this voice was.  When I think of Joker I hear Mark Hamill’s insane cackle in the back of my head.  He had the perfect combination of humorous clown and psychotic killer all wrapped up in one.  Amazing.

Anyway, today is Mark’s birthday and I would like to wish him a happy one.  Thank you sir, for being a part of a huge piece of my childhood and then moving on to do even more cool stuff.  I salute you.

By the way, if you want to have some fun Google “Star Wars Muppet Show” and enjoy seeing Mark guest star on the Muppets.  But don’t do the Holiday Special unless you want all things good in your life to turn to ash forever.  I’m not kidding at all on that.  If you watch that film you will want to die.

Joker image courtesy of the DC Comic T Shirt category BTW.

Dave

I don’t mean that in any way as an insult.  It is a fact.  DC Comics has announced that they are having Green Lantern come out of the closet and enjoy his freedom to be whomever he chooses.

I see this as a really positive statement not just in support of gay rights but rather in support of human rights.  Humans should have the freedom to have whatever makes them happy in their life, as long as that doesn’t interfere with other people’s happiness.  I am also glad we live in a time where we are no long slaves to the negative stereotypes associated with gays and their abilities to be heroes of any stripe.  We have gay cops, firefighters, and soldiers and I think they are all heroes.  I furthermore applaud DC’s commitment to their support in casting a major character from their pantheon as gay.  The easy and cheesy way would have been to either create a new gay superhero or take some minor character from the past and make him or her gay.

The interesting part for me will come in the months ahead as we can see how this revelation is received by the American public.  Dave sells a good number of Green Lantern t shirts from his DC Comic t shirt collection and I am very curious to see if he sees either a spike or drop in sales.  However, I say to anyone who drops his or her fandom of Green Lantern over this you should consider the fact that you were a fan when you thought he was straight.  His orientation did nothing to change his actions.  He is still the super hero he always was.

Jason

A couple days ago Jason posted something about Scarlett Johansson wanting to do a stand alone Black Widow movie and why that is generally a bad idea.  His base statement is more or less correct: there has never been a female super hero movie that has done well, and in most cases they seem to spell career death for the actress involved.  Some of the notable failures include Catwoman and Electra, but if you dig deeper you find all kinds of other ones that did nothing but suck and die.  Red Sonya, Tank Girl, My Super Ex Girlfriend (actually I kind of like that one, but really it was less about the super hero and more about every ex girlfriend I have ever had), Sheena, and Barb Wire to name a few.  Duds all.  Some may argue that Hit Girl from Kick Ass was great (she was IMO), but she did not have her own movie.  There has yet to be a distaff Spider Man or Iron Man.

What is the problem here?  It’s not like we don’t have great female comic book characters to draw from.  Every year someone talks about doing a Wonder Woman movie, but honestly I predict even that will fail to meet expectations.  Jason’s theory was that most comic book movie fans are male and want to pretend to be the hero.  A female hero is just harder to identify with and pretend to be.  I think there may be some validity to this theory, but don’t see it as the overriding issue.  For the most part fans identify with the super powers, not the super hero.  I could easily see someone imagining having the telekinetic powers of Phoenix or the weather control of Storm.  Also, I think in this day and age the line of gender identification is a little blurrier that it has ever been in the past.  (Wonder Woman image courtesy of the DC Comic T Shirt category).

I think the issue is much more primal.  The problem is that in order for a super hero movie to be great, the hero has to get his or her ass handed to him (or her).  If you look at the first Spider Man movie, Peter Parker gets completely trounced by the Green Goblin (blown up, really).  In the last Superman the managed to find a way to have the normally invulnerable Superman on deaths doorstep.  In order for a super hero to be super he or she has to overcome serious mortal danger and pain.  We root for the hero who comes to the brink of destruction but still triumphs.  Without that it just sucks.  The reason this doesn’t work for super heroines is the fact that the vast majority of men are hard wired on a genetic level to not like to see a woman getting beaten.

Seriously, this is an issue.  In my movie reviews if I see a woman getting punched in the face it usually earns the movie a black hole.  I find it incredibly disturbing.  There is nothing more upsetting to a man (a real man) than seeing a woman’s face with a black eye or bruises.  I know, I am supposed to be more open minded and equality and all that feminist stuff, but even guys who say that it seeing men beaten bothers them equally with women are lying.  There is a genetic imperative in men to protect women from harm (kids too, but you don’t see a lot of that in movies).  There is nothing that will get me to intervene in a situation faster than seeing a man hit a woman, yet I would be OK watching two guys beat the hell out of each other.

This, unfortunately, leaves Hollywood with a bad choice to make.  Either they go with letting the heroine get her ass kicked, making the movie really disturbing to the bulk of the viewing audience, or they make her invulnerable and impervious to harm, making the movie really boring and unreal.  The thing that comic movie fans demand these days is some level of realism (ironic, given that we are talking about people with super powers) and seeing a 105lb girl get punched in the face and kick the crap out of a 200lb thug just isn’t realistic (one of the many reasons Catwoman  really sucked).

What is the answer?  I don’t know.  Maybe more movies of women who don’t necessarily have to duke it out with guys.  Angelina Jolie was great in Wanted and for the most part shot people.  This might actually make for a decent film for Black Widow, but I predict they will feel the need to get her to go toe to toe with someone, ironically lessening the action.

That’s pretty much it on the matter.  I’d like to thank my best friend Dave for first suggesting this theory and helping me flesh out out.  If you want to comment or suggest a different theory free to post something here.  Follow me on Twitter @Nerdkungfu.  If you have specific questions or suggestions feel free to email me at david@nerdkungfu.com.

By the way, before I get going I wanted to mention something interesting I found on the Intertube.  I was looking for info on the upcoming Men in Black 3 and came across this kid Bugeyes126 doing some kind of investigation video series trying to prove that the Men in Black are real.  I can’t tell if this is for real, for fun, or just a really creative marketing campaign.  It’s like some kind of reality TV show scavenger hunt.  I’ll link Bugeyes126 most recent video as it flashes me back to my childhood days of dumpster diving.  However, I can tell him from painful personal experience jumping straight into a dumpster like he does is a good recipe for getting a rusty length of jagged metal jammed six inches into your calf.  I’d also like to add that tetanus shots in 1982 were a whole lot less fun than they are now.

No movie tonight as I have to paint new models for the tournament this weekend.  However, I have tickets for a midnight screening of the Avengers at the fabulous Kabuki Cinema in San Francisco Thursday so look for that review Friday morning.  Thanks as always for reading.  Talk to you soon.

Dave