So apparently Snooki from the Jersey Shore is knowledgeable enough about comic books to actually contribute to a debate about who would in in a Jean Grey/Wolverine fight. The answer, baring anything weird happening, is obviously Jean Grey. Wolverine is cool, but all Jean has to do is fly out of range of his claws and then telekineticely launch him into the sun. Finally a true test of how indestructible adamantium really is.
So on the one hand it’s cool that any girl can actually participate in a comic book discussion in any way. On the other hand, it’s freaking Snooki and it’s freaking the Jersey Shore! I so want anything I am interested in to stay off that radar screen. So what is the answer? Cool or not? That Wolverine face comes from a very cool Wolverine t-shirt that I have, by the way.
Dave just yelled across the room that he is going to see Haywire tonight and probably George Lucas’s last gasp Red Tails tomorrow, so you can look forward to a couple more of his long winded movie reviews this weekend.
OK, I know I haven’t posted a lot recently, but the fact is I have spent the last five days fixing mistakes made by other people. I don’t want to get into it except to say that it really sucked. Anyway, let’s have more fun discussing the pros and cons of online dating.
Pro: given time to consider your words you can avoid blurting out something really stupid or inappropriate. Most of us have said dumb things without thinking in our lifetime. I have found I tend to sound better and smarter if I have even a couple seconds to consider my words before pressing send. Even IM seems smoother that way.
Con: if you are illiterate or like to wRiTE liKE ThiS you will look like a moron. Yes, spell check is great but if you lack basic spelling and grammar skills you can really look stupid. Also, that wanna be gangster mixed upper/lower case writing is the online equivalent of tying to impress a girl by covering yourself with paste and rancid meat (and being a moron). I don’t care if you have seen girls do it. Trust me, you will never get anywhere with those girls, and you don’t have to be a guy to be brain-damagingly stupid.
Pro: you can meet people who share your interests. Yes, if there is a girl out there who shares your love of 14th century bardisches, Snorky from the Banana Splits, or debating the eternal Captain Kirk/Captain Pecard argument (Kirk, IMO) this is the place to find her. Unfortunately, any girl who lists anything remotely nerdish or cool will have her email box filled by other nerds so fast her laptop may melt down.
Con: your specific interests may well repulse the majority of women out there. I play Warhammer and love it. However, as much as my dream would be to date a girl who plays it this is the last thing I would list on my profile as I know the vast majority of the girls out there would take one look at it and say “What is this guy into? He must be some kind of dork, playing with toy soldiers.” There is the cool, sexy nerd (you know, the hipster teck geek. Die hipster scum) and then there is the just plain old nerd. You need to seem to be in the first camp to intrigue a girl online. Try to find a girl who is willing to to help you and tell her what you are considering listing as interests. If she at any point wrinkles her nose and says “really?” dump that item.
Pro: you can claim to be into things that you have done once or twice in your life. Ever been on a pony ride at a carnival? Then you could claim to be into horseback riding. Completed a paint-by-numbers painting of a kitten? Then you are both artistic and into animals. Again, I don’t recommend out-and-out lying, but as long as you are ready to reap the whirlwind when she finds out your passion for ballroom dancing is derived from dancing with your mom at your sisters wedding, then go nuts.
Con: she can (and probably will) do the same thing. Trust me, this plays both ways and if something seems to good to be true, it probably is. If she claims to match your passion for Star Trek that most likely means she watched a couple episodes with her brother years ago. Girl Trek fans exist, but unless she lists it on her profile unsolicited she is probably trying hard to match up to your level of geek.
Pro: you can do it from your home. If the burden of bathing, dressing, and grooming weighs very heavily on you, you could theoretically pull it off from the comfort of your desk chair and never have to put any effort into it at all. This is a horrible idea and I highly UNRECOMMENDED this. However, it remains a pro.
Con: if you are prone to being anti social, this will only make it worse. If you feel intimidated talking to women trying to meet them online will only aggravate your condition. The only way to really get over being shy is to force yourself to get out of the house and talk to women.
I think that’s it. Next dating post I will either get into understanding other posts or writing your own. Not sure which is better. I think understanding posts would be funnier, though, so I am inclined to head that way.
As for the whole Wolverine vrs Freddy Kruegar question, it is interesting and boils down to actual powers. If Freddy can attack adults and just chooses kids than he would be highly competitive with Logan. On the other hand, if Wolverines healing powers can fix damage done in dreams than Freddy could never actually kill him. I think I am going to call this one a draw (Blood and Steel image courtesy of the Wolverine t shirts).
I am kind of into horror movie, so for today I post the question of who would win, telekinetic introverted high school hero (in my opinion) Carrie versus champion of the popular good looking kids Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I could write about this for the next six months, but I think I have given you some decent guidelines. Remember that this list is both not comprehensive and not absolute. Each girl is different, and finding just one of these items is usually not a complete red flag (the three or more cats rule is one of the few absolutes I can think of). However, one sign of crazy is usually the herald of an avalanche craziness, so it is rare that you will see one of these running solo. I’d say after you run into three it’s time to pull the rip cord.
Anyway, I think I will give this topic a rest after this post. If something comes up later on I might revisit, but I think the time is upon me to move on to the next dating subject.
19. Does she seem to pick fights with random people all the time? Does she seem to get into a dispute with the server at dinner, cab driver, valet, movie theater usher, or random homeless (fellow) crazy people on the way home? This is a real bad sign for the crazy meter. It’s also a bad sign if she seems to shift from “reasonable debate” to “full throttle screaming she-devil” with practiced ease in a shockingly short amount of time. Imagine Wolverine on the debate team. (image courtesy of the Wolverine t shirts)
Also, if a girl seems to have a lot of stories about actual violence she has been involved in, stay away. Sane girls do not get into fights with other girls in her gym locker room. This goes double if she carries a weapon or weapons other than the typical pepper spray. I spent some time with a girl who carried a push dagger in her purse. At first I thought she was cool, but then I realized she was nuts. Avoid at all costs.
20. She revels in telling you about the freaky sex acts she has been involved in. This is something that is fun to discuss after you have actually slept with her a couple times, but if she insists on telling you the gruesome details on the first date she is either completely nuts or is testing to see what kind of weird sex acts you are into. Either way, trouble. So if she likes to talk about her lesbian experiences, three-or-more-ways, her penchant for handcuffs, or other acts that would be found in one of the “specialty” sections at the adult book store, odds are you will be happier in the long run going some where else.
However, in the short run, this girl could be a lot of fun. Just walk carefully.
Incidentally, the whole multiple partner thing is a huge intimacy killer. If you are just going to have fun with her than go for it, but if you are trying to build a real relationship stay away from this subject.
21. Does she drink or do drugs to excess? Getting hammered on a date as a thin excuse for “losing” control is a vaunted American tradition. Getting hammered 4 or more nights a week is a bad sign. Furthermore, while most of the signs of crazy I have listed at least indicated that the girl can be fun and amusing (in the same way being attacked by several hundred Dachshunds can be fun to watch while they chew your nuts off), alcoholics tend to be nothing but depressing. Also, don’t get sucked into the idea that maybe you can save her and then have the perfect girl. You can’t, and even if you did she wouldn’t be the same person you met.
While there is nothing wrong in my mind with the occasional imbibing of pot (heck, I live a couple miles from Oaksterdam University) or trying coke once or twice, regular use of anything harder is not only going to make you miserable but could also get you killed. This goes for prescription meds too. There was a crazy girl I used to like a lot (before coming up with these guidelines) who was on Xanax the whole time I hung out with her. She also had a lot of these other issues too, and in the long run proved to be completely loony.
22. She seems to talk about marriage a lot early on. This may just be my personal Peter Pan “I don’t want to grow up” issues, but I find women who discuss marriage on the first or second date to be trouble. I don’t mean saying “I’d like to get married some day.” Rather I mean the one who has her whole wedding planned out and discusses the flowers, venue, and wedding cake with you on the first date. This is something I have had to increase my tolerance for as I get older and all women are subject to this to a certain extent, so don’t make this the stray that breaks your camel’s back.
I think I am going to wrap it up here. I could probably add another 20 or so, but honestly all women are subject to at least a few of the minor issues, so unless you plan to swear off women you should probably allow for a few of these in your life. I’d say pick which ones are really going to drive you nuts and avoid those. Good luck, my friends.
New dating topic next time I get into it. Leading up to something big!