Here’s where we get into the actual meat of the phone call. Here there is only one rule: the K.I.S.S rule. That is Keep It Simple, Stupid! Seriously, your message or conversation should be brief and to the point. We’ll take each type of communication in kind.
This post will be voice mail. Voice mail is great, as you can use it as a more true barometer of how much she actually likes you. In other words, if she is interested she will actually call you back. If she doesn’t, you get to leave one more VM (remember the Two Message rule) and are then free to work on the next girl. I love voice mail. The other great thing about voice mail is you don’t have to have anything specific in mind to do with her.
Do not ramble. Do not beg. Short and to the point. Remember, every word you say is another chance for her to decide you are lame, so keep them to a minimum. Here is what a typical first voice mail might sound like from me:
“Hi (girl’s name). This is (your name) from (whatever event you met her at) the other day. I had a good time talking to you and wanted to give you a quick call. We should hang out sometime soon. Call me at (your number here). Talk to you soon.”
That’s it. Don’t go into a long description of who you were (“the guy wearing the Darth Maul costume” etc) or the exact details of how you started talking to her (“I was the guy who hit his head walking into a phone pole while updating my Facebook on my iPhone”). Honestly, if she liked you she remember. If, by some weird set of circumstances (black out drunk) she doesn’t remember giving you her number that will only help, as she will have to assume there was something about you that intrigued her.
Trust me, she is not going to be wearing this shirt, so don’t do it (shirt image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category).
Next post, email or Facebook.
This post will be short and sweet. Before we get into the actual mechanics of making the call I need to give you another one of my simple dating rules: the two message rule.
Like the two minute rule, the two message rule sets a contact guideline. Here is how it works: if, after you have made two attempts to contact a women, be it voicemail, email, smoke signals, or whatever, and you don’t get a call or email back, it is time to lose the number.
Unlike the two minute rule, there is no room for interpretation or judgment on this one. Two messages. That’s it. Honestly, if you don’t get a call after the first one it really is time to give up hope, but there is always the chance that the first message got lost, spam filtered, or accidentally deleted. However, if you give two missives and don’t get a response, that is her sending you a message and that message is move on.
Don’t be that guy who calls over and over again. In addition to never working anyway, you will sound pathetic and end up bruising your ego in a bad way. Your ego needs to be tough, like Chuck Norris here. (image from the movie t shirt category)
OK. You have successfully obtained the real phone number and/or email address of a human female and want to contact her. The first question you need to ask is when to actually do it.
Current dating wisdom states that you should not call the next day. Personally I feel this sort of thing really depends on the circumstances in which I met the girl and/or how the opening conversation went. If we met while doing something fun and semi organized (hiking, vampire LARP, charity rugby match, etc) or perhaps the conversation flowed particularly well you might consider calling the next day (late afternoon). However, odds are if you are in need of this blog you probably don’t have a great barometer for measuring this sort of thing, so perhaps you should stay away. It is easy to let your eagerness and/or insecurity let you fool yourself into thinking the conversation was better than you think it was and call too soon.
Never call the same day you got the number. If you want an example of how badly that can go watch this scene from Swingers. Painfully funny.
Anyway, I would recommend as a guideline to call or email within 2-3 days of getting the number. More than that and you seriously risk pissing her off or worse, being forgotten.
You think you have it rough? Abe here had do figure out the best time to send a telegraph (image courtesy of the steam punk t shirt category).
I have never fit in with the mainstream crowd. This has always been sad for me, not fitting in that is. The only comfort that I have had over the years is my love of Star Wars characters. I could sit and play with my Star Wars action figures all day. In fact, I used to pretend like I was the Princess Leia figure and wore George Lucas Films t shirts to school everyday.
I never thought I would find someone to share my love of Star Wars; I never thought there was someone out there that appreciated a life that consists mostly of action figure play. Low and behold – I did. I met the love of my life at a Star Wars convention. I guess there’s someone out there for everyone.
Sorry again about not posting as frequently as I would like, but I have been super busy getting ready for the Quake City Rumble, the biggest Warhammer tournament I do every year. It was this last weekend and I am happy to report that I received the Best Army award and placed 5th out of over 100 competitors. Now I should have some more time to continue with this guide for all you single nerd guys out there.
Ok, you’ve started a conversation, you’ve managed to not offend or disgust her, and things seem to be moving nicely. What next?
The answer is simple. Get her number (or email address) and bug out. DO NOT spend all night talking to her. I’ve covered that before, but really, you should get her number within 10-15 minutes of starting a conversation. If you have a limited time (bus is arriving, etc) make it quicker, but by no means extend the conversation beyond about 15 minutes. Get it quick.
Any experienced sales professional (I worked in sales for years) will tell you that you will never get the deal until you ask for it, and the same holds true for women. YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR HER NUMBER. She will never volunteer to give you it. In fact, most women are so insecure that they will not even be sure that you like them until you ask. Asking her for her number will cement in her mind the idea that you like her and she will be able to tell you if she likes you or not (if she opts to not give you her number, the answer is she does not. Live with it). Also, if you don’t man up and ask odds are she will think you are some kind of wimp. Women like confidence.
I have always found that the best way to get a number or email address is, after a pleasant, engaging conversation (with her actively participating) is to say something like “Hey, we should hang out sometime.” Don’t be specific (unless she has expressed a massive interest in something. For example, if she has said she is a massive bull riding fan you could suggest going to a rodeo). She will know what you mean, and that will give you time to figure out what the hell you are going to do when you go out. If she thinks you are kind of cool, interesting, or sexy (remember all that grooming and dressing we did earlier?) she will probably say sure. You can also judge how much she likes you by the type of contact info she gives you. Here is a breakdown.
Cell phone number=Great!
She takes your business card=Bleh.
She takes your number=Uh-oh.
By the way, even though giving her your card is second to the last worst result, it is always worth doing. Business cards cost about $.02 each and are well worth it for the “Hail Mary” when all else fails. I was out with a group once and gave a bunch of people my card and the one girl I liked ended up calling me. Don’t give up, but don’t really expect a call. By the way, always have business cards with you. You never know when something could drop in your life.
Put her number or email into your phone (hopefully iPhone).
Once you get her number or whatever, get out. There is a pattern to these things and once you get the number, in most people’s minds the conversation is done. Do not keep talking to here as it will only feel awkward and make you look really lame. Say something like “Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon” and move onto the next girl. Really. Don’t screw up all your work.
Next post, how to call and hopefully avoid this (Friendship Algorithm image from the TV show t shirt category).