Here’s where we get into the actual meat of the phone call.  Here there is only one rule: the K.I.S.S rule.  That is Keep It Simple, Stupid!  Seriously, your message or conversation should be brief and to the point.  We’ll take each type of communication in kind.

This post will be voice mail.  Voice mail is great, as you can use it as a more true barometer of how much she actually likes you.  In other words, if she is interested she will actually call you back.  If she doesn’t, you get to leave one more VM (remember the Two Message rule) and are then free to work on the next girl.  I love voice mail.  The other great thing about voice mail is you don’t have to have anything specific in mind to do with her.

Do not ramble.  Do not beg.  Short and to the point.  Remember, every word you say is another chance for her to decide you are lame, so keep them to a minimum.  Here is what a typical first voice mail might sound like from me:

“Hi (girl’s name).  This is (your name) from (whatever event you met her at) the other day.  I had a good time talking to you and wanted to give you a quick call.  We should hang out sometime soon.  Call me at (your number here).  Talk to you soon.”

That’s it.  Don’t go into a long description of who you were (“the guy wearing the Darth Maul costume” etc) or the exact details of how you started talking to her (“I was the guy who hit his head walking into a phone pole while updating my Facebook on my iPhone”).  Honestly, if she liked you she remember.  If, by some weird set of circumstances (black out drunk) she doesn’t remember giving you her number that will only help, as she will have to assume there was something about you that intrigued her.

Trust me, she is not going to be wearing this shirt, so don’t do it (shirt image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category).

Next post, email or Facebook.

This post will be short and sweet.  Before we get into the actual mechanics of making the call I need to give you another one of my simple dating rules: the two message rule.

Like the two minute rule, the two message rule sets a contact guideline.  Here is how it works: if, after you have made two attempts to contact a women, be it voicemail, email, smoke signals, or whatever, and you don’t get a call or email back, it is time to lose the number.

Unlike the two minute rule, there is no room for interpretation or judgment on this one.  Two messages.  That’s it.  Honestly, if you don’t get a call after the first one it really is time to give up hope, but there is always the chance that the first message got lost, spam filtered, or accidentally deleted.  However, if you give two missives and don’t get a response, that is her sending you a message and that message is move on.

Don’t be that guy who calls over and over again.  In addition to never working anyway, you will sound pathetic and end up bruising your ego in a bad way.  Your ego needs to be tough, like Chuck Norris here. (image from the movie t shirt category)

OK.  You have successfully obtained the real phone number and/or email address of a human female and want to contact her.  The first question you need to ask is when to actually do it.

Current dating wisdom states that you should not call the next day.  Personally I feel this sort of thing really depends on the circumstances in which I met the girl and/or how the opening conversation went.  If we met while doing something fun and semi organized (hiking, vampire LARP, charity rugby match, etc) or perhaps the conversation flowed particularly well you might consider calling the next day (late afternoon).  However, odds are if you are in need of this blog you probably don’t have a great barometer for measuring this sort of thing, so perhaps you should stay away.  It is easy to let your eagerness and/or insecurity let you fool yourself into thinking the conversation was better than you think it was and call too soon.

Never call the same day you got the number.  If you want an example of how badly that can go watch this scene from Swingers.  Painfully funny.

Anyway, I would recommend as a guideline to call or email within 2-3 days of getting the number.  More than that and you seriously risk pissing her off or worse, being forgotten.

You think you have it rough?  Abe here had do figure out the best time to send a telegraph (image courtesy of the steam punk t shirt category).

I have never fit in with the mainstream crowd. This has always been sad for me, not fitting in that is. The only comfort that I have had over the years is my love of Star Wars characters. I could sit and play with my Star Wars action figures all day. In fact, I used to pretend like I was the Princess Leia figure and wore George Lucas Films t shirts to school everyday.

I never thought I would find someone to share my love of Star Wars; I never thought there was someone out there that appreciated a life that consists mostly of action figure play. Low and behold – I did. I met the love of my life at a Star Wars convention. I guess there’s someone out there for everyone.

Sorry again about not posting as frequently as I would like, but I have been super busy getting ready for the Quake City Rumble, the biggest Warhammer tournament I do every year.  It was this last weekend and I am happy to report that I received the Best Army award and placed 5th out of over 100 competitors.  Now I should have some more time to continue with this guide for all you single nerd guys out there.

Ok, you’ve started a conversation, you’ve managed to not offend or disgust her, and things seem to be moving nicely.  What next?

The answer is simple.  Get her number (or email address) and bug out.  DO NOT spend all night talking to her.  I’ve covered that before, but really, you should get her number within 10-15 minutes of starting a conversation.  If you have a limited time (bus is arriving, etc) make it quicker, but by no means extend the conversation beyond about 15 minutes.  Get it quick.

Any experienced sales professional (I worked in sales for years) will tell you that you will never get the deal until you ask for it, and the same holds true for women.  YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR HER NUMBER.  She will never volunteer to give you it.  In fact, most women are so insecure that they will not even be sure that you like them until you ask.  Asking her for her number will cement in her mind the idea that you like her and she will be able to tell you if she likes you or not (if she opts to not give you her number, the answer is she does not.  Live with it).  Also, if you don’t man up and ask odds are she will think you are some kind of wimp.  Women like confidence.

I have always found that the best way to get a number or email address is, after a pleasant, engaging conversation (with her actively participating) is to say something like “Hey, we should hang out sometime.”  Don’t be specific (unless she has expressed a massive interest in something.  For example, if she has said she is a massive bull riding fan you could suggest going to a rodeo).  She will know what you mean, and that will give you time to figure out what the hell you are going to do when you go out.  If she thinks you are kind of cool, interesting, or sexy (remember all that grooming and dressing we did earlier?) she will probably say sure.  You can also judge how much she likes you by the type of contact info she gives you.  Here is a breakdown.

Cell phone number=Great!

Business card=Good.

Email address=Ok

Facebook page=Meh.

She takes your business card=Bleh.

She takes your number=Uh-oh.

By the way, even though giving her your card is second to the last worst result, it is always worth doing.  Business cards cost about $.02 each and are well worth it for the “Hail Mary” when all else fails.  I was out with a group once and gave a bunch of people my card and the one girl I liked ended up calling me.  Don’t give up, but don’t really expect a call.  By the way, always have business cards with you.  You never know when something could drop in your life.

Put her number or email into your phone (hopefully iPhone).

Once you get her number or whatever, get out.  There is a pattern to these things and once you get the number, in most people’s minds the conversation is done.  Do not keep talking to here as it will only feel awkward and make you look really lame.  Say something like “Thanks.  I’ll talk to you soon” and move onto the next girl.  Really.  Don’t screw up all your work.

Next post, how to call and hopefully avoid this (Friendship Algorithm image from the TV show t shirt category).

So you have the conversation started, reached the two minute point, and she hasn’t maced you yet.  Kudos.  Now what are you going to talk about?

Again, the main thing should be her.  You need to seem honestly interested in her (and, to be honest, actually be interested in her).  However, if she is somewhat reserved you will have to find some things to talk to her about.

One of the best things you can do to keep a conversation moving is give her a compliment of some kind.  However, be aware there are good compliments and bad compliments.  Most women are more or less looking for a reason to get rid of guys bugging them and the first thing you say that they can choose to interpret negatively is their rip cord and for the most part they will pull it.

So, as always, I will start with what NOT to compliment her on.

1.  Any part of her body, especially breasts, legs, or more or less any part thereof.  Even something as innocuous seeming as her hands is a huge land mine.  Women are for the most part massively insecure about a lot of stuff you wouldn’t believe, and something as innocent as “Your hands are very slender and clever looking” can easily trigger her pathetic self contempt for her skinny fingers.  Also, mentioning any part of her body that can be interpreted as a sexual turn on (and for most guys, that can be any part of her body) will put you permanently into the creep category.  Stay away.

2.  Most of her clothing.  There are a few exceptions to this, but most women use clothing to hide the things they feel insecure about and mentioning it will only reminding them about it.  Also, complimenting a woman on her dress is an open invitation to throw out a “Does this dress make me look fat” trap for which there is no good answer.

3.  Any observed perception of what you think her religion, politics, or other agenda may be.  This is all fodder for the first and second date.  Don’t mess around with it.

Ok, so what can you safety compliment her on?  Here are a few items.

1.  A very general appreciation about her looks if she looks dressed up.  “You look fabulous.”  Don’t get into specific items.

2.  Shoes.  Women love shoes (I have a theory on this, but won’t get into it today).  They seem to love compliments about their shoes, especially if it looks a little different from what every else is wearing.  In my experience, if a woman is wearing boots of some kind (especially if they are unusual color boots or have tassels or something hanging off them) she is fishing for compliments on her footwear.  Don’t disappoint her.

3.  Jewelry.  This is another category of things women wear to get compliments.  Necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and rings are all open to comment.  HOWEVER, if she is wearing a pendant that is combined with a really plunging neckline and some good cleavage comment on her earrings.

Hey, Diana.  Nice bracelets!

(image courtesy of the comic book t shirts)

4.  Handbag.  This is a weird one, in that some women love handbags and will literally spend thousands of dollars on a single bag whereas others don’t really care much at all and throw their stuff into whatever sack they have lying around.  However, in general the smaller the bag, the more worth of a compliment.  Also, it is worth your time to go to a high end department store and learn what the logo’s of the higher end bags looks likes and compliment her on her bag by name (“Is that a Prada bag?”).  If a woman is carrying around a $3500 handbag she is most likely so desperate for a compliment on it your comment will feel like the first breath of air after being trapped under the ice, if you know what I mean.

5.  Hair.  Women spend a lot of time on their hair, and for the most part appreciate a good compliment on it.  Color (as long as it’s not gray) comments are generally well received if it is obviously an artificial color (“Your hair has the coolest green highlights”) but stay away if it looks like she is attempting to look natural, even if it is painfully obviously not her natural color.

6.  Any apparent ability she has, especially if it something “fun”.  Tell her she is a great dancer, runner, drinker, or whatever (“Wow, you can really hold your own on these Jager shots”).  Everyone loves being noticed for some kind of ability.

That’s some good guidelines.  As always, remember that things are all situational, and keep in mind that two minute rule.

When World of Warcraft was released, it was a game requiring a high amount of skill and commitment to progress to the upper echelons of dungeon and raid content.  The casual player who didn’t even own a World of Warcraft t shirts had no place in high end raiding, even in the first raid dungeon of Molten Core.  The Burning Crusade continued this trend to a lesser degree, and still made it difficult for most guilds and players to progress to a higher level of play.  This all changed with Wrath of the Lich King that feels a lot like the Coke Zero of what WoW used to be.  No longer are there barriers from casual players enjoying all the content in the game.  There is little to no commitment involved in the whole game, as the needs for farming, raid preparation, and even research have been dumbed down to a severe degree.

WoW, which was once like Frodo journeying to conquer the Dark Lord Sauron that was Everquest, is now like Frodo had he been consumed by the greed of the One Ring.  MMORPGs that have been made in recent years can’t stand up to WoW both in scope and design. Blizzard simply has too much money. It is now greed that drives them to continue to release content for an MMORPG that has been discarded by the original players who worked so hard to conquer it. Blizzard may have gained more casual players with the release of WOTLK, but in doing so they’ve also lost some of those hardcore players who made the game famous.

Sorry I have not posted more recently, but I spent all Memorial Day weekend working at a gaming convention, selling shirts.  Our best seller was probably this Steam Punk shirt from our steam punk t shirt section.

Anyway, I am about to impart one of the most important rules I ever learned regarding talking to girls at a party, event, or bar: the Two Minute rule.  This was taught to me by an old friend of mine who, in spite of being super skinny and weird looking (think a flesh colored Kermit the Frog) used to draw women in like you wouldn’t believe.

Rather than just toss the rule out there, let me set the context.  There is a huge mistake guys in general and nerd guys in particular make (I used to make it incessantly) and that is, we get to a party, start talking to a girl, and up talking to her exclusively all night long without actually getting her phone number.  This works mainly because most (yes, I am sure any women reading this out there are exceptions to this generalization.  Don’t hate spam me) women enjoy (and some crave) attention from guys.  They will therefore happily talk to you all night long, boring you with stories about their cat(s) and some lame friend of theirs.  However, remember that whole “familiarity breeds contempt” concept.  By the end of the night she more or less has satisfied her modest desire to be paid attention too by you and is ready to move on to the guy who has been blowing her off all night.  Also, truth be told, most bars and parties are pretty damned boring so listening to you is slightly more stimulating than doing nothing, and most women are too polite to really blow you off (typically they will go to the restroom and sneak out the back if you really are locked on).

Thus we come to the Two Minute rule.  If you start talking to a women in any kind of public setting (party, bus stop, concert, etc) and, after two minutes of your best wit and wisdom, are not getting a positive response, look her in the eye, tell her “Nice to meet you” and move on.

Incidentally, a “positive response” is not her answering your questions but rather actually engaging in a conversation, asking you questions and initiating new subjects.

This works on many,  many levels.  The first is the fact that there is more than one (cuttle) fish in the sea, or even at whatever thing you are attending.  If you spend all night talking to some chick who blows you off you might be missing the entirely cool, hot, and compatible chick 20 feet away.

The second level is, you have to adopt an attitude that your time is valuable.  If you spend two hours listening to some girl bitch about her job then you have proven to her your time is worthless.  You have other things you could be doing, including talking to other women, and can’t spend all night listening to random crap.

Finally, at some point you are going to run out of funny, cool things to say and the conversation will falter.  You don’t want to fire off all your ammo the first time you meet her.  Save some for the first date.

Now, I have had guys ask me what if she is actually into me but I didn’t actually pick up on it?  The magic part is, if she actually liked you and you blew her off she will like you even more, and will resurface in your face later on.  At that point you should definitely engage here and go for the number.

Next post will be on actually getting the number from her at the end of your witty flirting.  That’s it for today.