We’re kind of halfway through your first date, but I think it time to discuss some of the dirty tricks (and some that are just tricks) out there, both so you can see them coming and possibly use them if necessary. Like our friend Felix here, everyone needs a Magical Bag of Tricks, and the more tricks you have, the more accomplished you can be (Felix the Cat image courtesy of the cartoon t shirt category).
The first trick is what I like to call the Cell Phone Dodge. This is where you arrange for a friend of yours to either text or call you at a prearranged time, usually 1-1.5 hours into the date. The tricky part is if you are having a good time and are really into your date you completely ignore the phone. If the your date is being a huge pain in the ass, turns out to be a white supremest, is painfully stupid, or talking marriage in the first 3o minutes you take the call, have a brief conversation, and declare “Oh, my god! My cat just set fire to my apartment!” or something like that.
Actually, don’t use any details. Just say “Oh, wow. I’m really sorry but I’ve had a personal emergency come up.”
This is your rip cord on the date being a total waste of your life and money. Never feel guilty about using this one (some of the other ones I am going to tell you feel free to feel guilty about) as about 100% of the women out there use it on a regular basis. Ever notice that they all seem to get a text or phone call about an hour in? This is your first real test. If she blows it off she is into you. If she takes the call and rushes off, better luck next time. Also, practice your dating conversation more.
Next post, the Dinner X2 trick. By the way, I am going to start doing some interviews with people in the nerd world who I think are particularily interesting, like a woman who did a horror film documentary and a couple of special effects I met recently. Should be pretty cool. I won’t be stopping the dating stuff, but interspersing the interview to keep things interesting for those of us who don’t need dating help.
OK, you have successfully selected a movie and are going to a local theater to see it (I hate theater shirt image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category). Now to discuss how you should behave.
First of all, walk up to the box office and buy both tickets. Don’t even ask. If she looks perturbed or says something say she can buy the drinks and popcorn. This is your chance to man up and look like a guy in control. Also, don’t hand her one of the tickets. That is something friends do, not boyfriends. Hand both tickets to the guy at the box office.
I do recommend popcorn. People build bonds from sharing food. A little accidental hand contact as you both reach for it is a good thing. Let her hold the popcorn and eat it from her lap. She will feel weird reaching into your crotch. Also, if you are going to do candy get something you can easily share, like Skittles or M&Ms. Don’t do hot dogs or anything that looks like a meal. Also, nachos, as delicious as they are, are a prime opportunity to look like a total slob, so stay away. If she made a stink at the box office let her pay, but if she accepted your purchase of the tickets blithely than pay for this as well. Drinks are good, but don’t super size anything.
In the theater, pick a section that seems pretty even. Let her proceed down the aisle and choose the final seat. If you are fortunate enough to be in a theater with the retractable arms (also known as snuggle seats. This is another opportunity where five minutes research may well pay off) it is perfectly acceptable to leave the arm up in order to stay closer to her. It is not necessarily acceptable to use her acceptance of that to creep in on her. Put your drink in the armrest on the outside.
Put your jacket on an empty seat next to yours and take hers. By the way, if the theater is one of those that runs their air conditioning like a cryogenic facility you can gain a lot of respect and appreciation by giving her your jacket to use as a blanket for her legs. If you feel like you want to wear your jacket suck it up and give it to her. Be the man, and the gentleman.
After you get settled turn of your cell phone. Do not wait until you see the notice or she does it. You want to look like you are both considerate and in control. Doing it because you are told to do it is wimpy. Let her be reminded by you.
If you think you might need to drain the lizard during the movie do so now. A good excuse is that you want to wash your hands before the popcorn. You will be taking a slight risk leaving her alone in the theater, but it is acceptable and also shows you are secure and not overbearing. She may take the opportunity to do the same.
By the way, a decent test of how much she likes or trusts you is how she passes by you. If she faces the screen and shows you her bottom as she sidles by she likes you. If she turns her back to the screen and goes crotch first she is not sure and/or is already bored. Of course, don’t read too much into this as she could either be on the fence or just not thinking about it, but I have found this to be a decent barometer.
When the trailers start, it is generally OK to make quite funny comments about the trailers. Here is your chance to be witty and funny. Pretend you are in the theater with the MST3K crew (in fact, if you are a fan don’t be afraid to borrow a couple lines from Tom Servo or Crow. No one will bust you on a copyright infringement, and odds are extremely unlikely that she has ever watched more than five minutes of the show. For that matter, if by some weird alignment of the solar system she is a fan you may gain credibility by referencing the show).
Once the movie starts, shut the hell up and enjoy. When it ends, unless she is in the movie business get up once the credits start. Don’t be one of those weird guys who sits through the entire credits in hopes of seeing a spoiler at the end. If you heard there was one YouTube it. People who sit through credits are never hot or cool, if you know what I mean. Hand her her jacket and if you are feeling particularly smooth assist her in putting it on. It will actually be very awkward and take more time than it would have for her to do it herself, but you will look like a stud if you pull it off correctly (or a dork if you don’t).
That’s it for now. More later.
Sorry I didn’t get this done sooner, but was at the Sacramento Sci Fi Horror Convention with a booth selling t-shirts. The show was a lot of fun, and the highlight for me was meeting and getting this picture with the gorgeous Jewel Staite from Firefly and Stargate Atlantis. Talk about beauty and the beast (of course, if any of you call Jewel a beast I will kill you).
(the shirt I am wearing, by the way, is available in the Star Trek t shirts category).
Anyway, Jewel is married (damn the luck!) but meeting her has inspired me to forge ahead in my quest to meet the perfect women and keep helping the rest of you also meet someone. Last post we talked about movies as a date. Assuming you have determined correctly that a movie would be appropriate (and are not just falling back on it due to your flailing conversation) the question arises “What movie to watch?”
First of all, strike anything cool you want to see off that list. Any sci fi, horror, or action flick will fail miserably. Even if she sounds cool with it, in her head she is either going to think you are incredibly selfish or an incredible geek (probably both).
Second of all, do not see a chick flick. Odds are she will suggest one, but if you agree (or worse, suggest one) have fun being “man-friend” for the rest of you life. You just turned into a hairy girl in her head. Also, your time is worth more than that. A couple years ago I went on a date and somehow ended up seeing Nights in Rodanthe, a Richard Gere movie. It wasn’t so much lame as it was like swimming in a pool of rusty razor blades and afterwords eating a huge bowl of excrement. The mistake I made was not being familiar with the current movies and assuming it was some kind of vampire flick. Do your research. Any movie that involves coming to terms with stuff will make you want to claw your eyes out and use them as ear plugs.
A good compromise will basically leave both parties vaguely dissatisfied, so plan on that. The best option for you will be a good comedy, but make sure it involves women in some kind of role. The Hangover was hilarious but was definitely a guy movie. A good romantic comedy is a compromise in her favor (again, do your research. Love Stinks is technically a romantic comedy, but will turn her off not only you but possibly men in general). Try to have a couple ones to suggest. Having your iPhone set to Fandango before you even pick her up is a plus in your favor.
Next post, movie etiquette.
I think I am done with dancing for now. Let’s talk about an ongoing debate in the dating world; to go to a movie or not.
99.9999% of women will tell you that a movie on a first date is a bad idea, but I have found there are circumstances where this is not necessarily true. Women like to think that you need to talk all night, but sometimes that can be a bad thing, especially if you think your aspherger-like compulsion to say weird crap will screw you up.
I’ll boil it down. Not seeing a movie gives you a lot of time to talk and connect. If you only have a couple hours to see your date then by all means do not fill up your time with this. However, if it looks like you will be with her for five or more hours then I think it’s a great idea, and here is why.
First of all, it gives you two hours of company wherein you don’t have to struggle to find something to talk about. Furthermore, the movie will be a great topic of discussion both before and afterwards. Make sure you know something about the script, writer, director, actors, or premise behind the film to give you something to bring up. Also, there can be a lot of time spent together on line or in the theater waiting for the movie to start.
Secondly, the dim lighting in the theater is very complimentary. If you are reading this blog because you have trouble dating than good lighting is probably not your friend. Also, you are forced to sit in close proximity (more on this later), which is an intimate setting and will help her gain comfort with you.
Finally, if the movie is really good or, better yet, really funny, than the good feelings she will have while watching it or laughing will be associated with you on some level. Make sure you pick out a movie that is good and/or funny (Hangover t shirt image courtesy of of the movie t shirt category).
That being said, if you aren’t sure you can spend more than a few hours with her, save this for a second or third date. It’s perfect for that.
More on this later, including what movie to actually see.