So I am in Southern California for the two different shows in a row, the Long Beach ComicCon and the huge triple show. I am sitting in Starbuck having my breakfast scone and abusing their free WiFi and figured in spite of being on the road I had better do my best to keep all eight of my readers entertained with more dating advice.
Being broke, I still have cheap dating on my mind and so will continue along with that. We live in a great time to be broke and dating, in that almost everything you do to save money you can cover with a thin veil of concern for the environment. No joke. Here are a couple examples:
Problem: you don’t have a car or have a car but don’t want to burn gas money.
Solution: “I am trying to cut back on my driving to reduce my carbon footprint.”
Problem: you can’t afford bottled water and are constantly using your metal water bottle ($4.99 from Walgreens for me) or ordering tap water at restaurants.
Solution: “Do you have any idea how many plastic water bottles just get dumped into landfills every year?”
Problem: you can’t afford movie tickets.
Solution: “The power requirements of a theater, not to mention the harsh chemicals used in actual film production, makes me feel guilty to go to a cinema. The more ecologically responsible entertainment option is to stream films off your NetFlix account in the comfort of your living room with the lights turned down low.” This one is particularly devious in that it kills two birds with one stone in getting her to hang out with you in a dimly lit place of comfort for her as well as making her feel vaguely guilty for not thinking of the eco-ramifications of seeing a blockbuster herself. If this doesn’t get you hooked up you are doing something very wrong (more on actually making the move later).
Problem: you don’t have money for a dinner out.
Solution: “I am trying to support organic and renewable farming by shopping at the local farmers market. Why don’t you come over and I will whip up a delicious salad or something.” Note-this actually only works if you know how to cook, which is why I don’t use it. I make good reservations. Also, if you are going to pull this one be sure she doesn’t come over and see an Albertsons shopping bag in your kitchen. That could go badly.
Most women at least make a token gesture towards eco-awareness, and if you start off on it before she does you can put her on the defensive and make her even more cheap. With practice you can couch any cheap decision in eco-friendly terms and make it sound like a brilliant idea. The trick is she needs to never realize that for you “eco” actually refers to economical. Whoever said global warming is bunk science never had to date on $3.28. Thank god for science (I Love Science image courtesy of the novelty t shirt category).
Next post: cheap dining.
P.S. I should do this at Starbucks more often. I think this is one of my better posts.