I should be careful about letting my dating bile boil over, as I personally have a second date with a cool girl tomorrow night and don’t want to have this taint my interaction with her. I am sure one way or another the results of that date will make it’s appearance on the surface of this blog like a rarely seen Lock Ness Monster appearance. Wish me luck on my date. However, I feel the obligation to keep going with my current thread. Believe it or not, as rambling as these blogs tend to be, I have a plan in mind with a big finale for the end of the year.
So here are a few more signs that the girl you are dating is insane.
13. She is getting over some ex-boyfriend or husband. Remember that all women are crazy but some things are crazy catalysts and being in recovery over some guy is like Insano Brand manure on the field of her psyche. Also, there is no more thankless job on the planet than being rebound guy. You will suffer in agony as she regales you in excruciating detail the subtle nuances of their every encounter and hits you with questions like “What do you think he really meant when he said ‘Get out of my life and never call me again’?” Furthermore, being recently out of a relationship is her perfect excuse for raking you over the coals, punishing you for the crime of being the same gender as her ex, and then saying “It’s too soon. I’m not ready for intimacy” when you think you are getting some. Trust me when I say there isn’t enough of this abuse you can absorb to get her naked. She will damage your brain and leave you hanging. Also ex-boyfriends are a lot like certain social diseases, in that they tend to flare up at the least convenient times and can really ruin the mood. It is shockingly easy for him to resurface and become her boyfriend again.
14. She is a widow. God I feel guilty bringing this one up. This is Dave being the coldest bastard possible. However, if the girl you are seeing is a widow (or her boyfriend tragically died) there is no winning. The one nice thing about ex-boyfriends is if they were total jerks you can at least gain something in her perception by contrast. However, if he died no matter what kind of jerk he was in life in death he will be second only to Jesus Himself in her estimation. If you cured cancer, brought about world peace, and saved a busload of nuns and orphans from driving off a cliff you will still never live up to his legacy. His ghost will literally haunt you for the rest of her life. (Casper image courtesy of the cartoon t shirt category)
15. She cheated on, or was cheated on, by her last boyfriend. This is another one that is bad. The phrase to remember is “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” If she was OK making the decision to cheat once before she will find it that much easier to do so again with you. Also, nothing will make you feel more unmanly than finding out she is cheating, especially if you met the guy. Furthermore, there are certain types of insane women who revel in cheating on you with a good friend of yours, so unless you are trying to cut down on the number of friends you have stay away.
Now, it might seem like it would be OK if she were cheated on by her ex, but the fact is in my experience women tend to paint with a very broad brush. In other words, once she has had an example of cheating in a partner she will secretly assume all men are cheaters and treat them (and you) as such. You can look forward to all kinds of special paranoid insanity including but not restricted to her checking your cell phone records, email, text messages, following you in your car, and embedding RFID chips in your neck as you sleep. Also, there is something in girls that are attracted to cheaters that has the stench of the crazy. Save yourself the pain.
That’s it for now. More tomorrow.