So you’ve been rejected and all of a sudden all food tastes likes mixture of paste, bile, and Satan. Life seems to be a cardboard, washed out low rez black and white version of itself. The good news is you’ve avoided all the potentially self destructive and/or illegal activities that guys often resort to in a pathetic attempt at making themselves feel better and get the ex to pay attention to them. The bad news is now you need something to fill up the long, dark hours that used to be spent with your significant other or at least thinking about her.
Ah, now we are definitely in Dave’s corner, because this on level I have mastered. Here we go with some excellent suggestions (in my experience).
1. Video games. Nothing helps alleviate the pain in your heart like bringing some electronic pain to some noob from across the country, or killing that giant space caterpillar. You can feed your inner alpha male without hurting anyone in the real world. My recommendation is to load up on caffeine and junk food and play until the sun comes out again. I recently re-activated my WOW account and it is doing wonders for making me feel like I actually have a life. (Undercity Gravediggers image courtesy of the WOW t shirts category)
2. Clean your apartment. This is actually pretty cathartic. I liken it to shedding my crusty crystalis and emerging a beautiful butterfly as opposed to the disgusting caterpillar that just got rejected. Also, if you are into self delusion (and really, which of us isn’t?) you can fantasize about how, once your apartment is clean and pretty, you can bring a new girl over for romantic potential (and while we are at it, let me tell you about the porcine flight school I am developing). Overall, I find projects like this are pretty good for taking my mind off how much I hate being rejected and on how much I hate scrubbing toilets. Also, it is a good chance to collect items for the next big thing to do (see the next item).
3. Collect anything she gave you or left behind, take it to the beach, and burn it all in a bonfire. By fire be purged! Yes, everyone loves a good fire, and here is a chance to show the universe how you feel about her dumping you with a volatile chemical reaction. Be sure to bring a few friends along. If you do this by yourself you will just be a creepy weirdo. Also, you can probably use this episode to elicit more sympathy from your friends. That sweater she gave you for Christmas? That toothbrush she brought over? That mix CD she made for you? That pair of underwear she left at your place (by the way, what is the deal with this? Every girl I have ever dated for more than a couple months manages to leave some kind of personal garment at my place. I can count on zero hands the number of pairs of boxers I have accidentally left somewhere. Yet another female mystery)? That self improvement book on how to be a better boyfriend? All fuel for the fire of your pain. Note, however, if she managed to leave something like her laptop, college diploma, or the urn containing one of her parents you should probably return those.
4. Channel your emotions into something useful. The two emotions you will most likely be feeling are depression and anger. The first will make you hurt yourself and more or less act like a girl, while the second will make you hurt other people and act like a man. You will probably feel both at different times. If you are depressed try writing some depressing fiction (or, if you are so inclined and own a lot of black clothes, some poetry). Paint a depressing picture. Replace you room carpet with black shag. Trust me. Six months from now when you are completely over it you can pull out whatever project you did and it will provide endless amusement (for your friends). If you are angry don’t hit anybody. Instead do some manly stuff. Chop some wood. Find a gym and punch the heavy bag. Join a local rugby league (props to my friend Johnny). Do all the stuff that no girlfriend in her right mind would ever let you try. Ironically, if you handle these two emotional states properly you will end up hurting others with your depression (nothing is more painful than having to listen to depression based poetry) and yourself with your anger, which is some weird way is better than the other way around.
Incidentally, the other emotion you will probably feel is soul crushing loneliness. However, since this is a fairly normal state for most people including me, just do what you normally would. The only real way to cure it is to find someone else, so once you are done with all the depression and anger go back to the beginning of my dating advice posts and start all over. In dating you have to be like Wile E. Coyote. No matter how far he fell, or how large a boulder crushed him, next scene he was in the Acme catalog working on his next attempt. He only needed to succeed once, and so do you and I.
I will list some more activities tomorrow.
I’m still collecting answers to the Deadpool versus Solomon Grundy question. They aren’t exactly flying in, so I guess either I’m deluding myself on how many people are actually reading this or how many people really care about these questions, but I have fun doing them and really, it’s not all about you my friends. So I will continue to indulge