So I have not kept my promise about more dating advice, instead doing a couple movie reviews. I feel bad, and in spite of the fact that I have a great movie related thing to talk about from Friday night that actually contains a dating related story, I will instead assuage my readers who are here for my dating advice and continue with my list of things you can do to after getting rejected. I’ll do the other story later this week.
5. Hit the gym. Work out your frustration while pumping some iron like Arnold here or riding a bike. This has the added benefit of making you look better, which will help a lot when it comes time to replace your ex. Also, the best revenge available when you get dumped is to lose 20 pounds so the next time you see her you look 10 times better. This is a trick women have mastered, which is why the first thing they usually do after getting dumped is lose a ton of weight, get a hot haircut and makeover, and generally look really good next time you see her. Really makes you question your reasons for dumping her, and if you tell her you want her back she can either make you crawl through hot coals and broken glass or get the last word in by rejecting you entirely. Turnabout is fair play (Conan image one of the many nerd t shirts images on my other site).
6. Buy some new stuff. Nothing helps you get over a certain period of your life (the period wherein you had someone and were happy) like a change of venue. While moving to another building or town may be unfeasible, sometimes all it takes is a new couch replacing the rotten old pile of wood, cloth and metal that has been festering in your living room since college to help you put your head into a new space. Again, this may help you actually get a new girl next time around, and if you ex happens to drop by to give you something back she may be impressed with the improvement. Also, a new TV might be a dramatic improvement in your ability to mindlessly entertain yourself, and TV shopping is super fun.
7. Buy some new clothes. Like new stuff, new clothes may help you reinvent yourself as a sexier, more datable human. Go back to the earliest posts on the dating advice on buying clothes and spend a few bucks. Try to bring a friend along so you can regale him or her with all the gruesome details of the fascinating tale of love found and lost you have stuck in your head. I swear there is no way your friends are sick of hearing about it.
8. Create a blog where you bitch about your dating life and give advice to other people. Yes, misery loves company and sharing your pain with the world wide web will indeed help ease yours. If you can use the blog to do movie reviews and schlock t-shirts even better.
9. Revert to your childhood. Bust out those old Legos or GI Joe dolls and spend an afternoon pretending you really don’t care about women again. Buy a bunch of comic books. Go to the movies and sneak into another showing afterward. Ride your old skateboard. Get in touch with your inner child because, while you might be inclined to beat yourself up over the whole thing, no one wants to beat a child.
10. Get wasted. Drown your sorrows in alcohol. Your goal should be to not remember anything from the evening. If you feel like total crap the next morning odds are you will forget your heartache while you are barfing up a lung. Also, you could end up with a new friend sleeping next to you, which should be at least entertaining as you try to find a way to extricate yourself from a weird situation.
If I can think of any more tonight I will do more tomorrow, but I think that’s it for this thread. Remember, there was a time when food had flavor and the sun was a warm, loving life giver not a burn ball of garbage shining a harsh, scum revealing light on a cruel world. Things will get better over time. Your best plan is to learn from this and try not to be such a moron next time.
As for our question from last post, Freddy Kruegar versus the Scooby Doo gang, I am going to have to bet on Freddy. The Scooby Doo gang are experts when it comes to ghosts, have access to all kinds of performance enhancing drugs (what is in those Scooby snacks, anyway?) and drive a bad ass lime green sex wagon, but they are essentially kids and that is Freddy’s meat of choice. As soon as they run out of speed and have to sleep Freddy will get them. If Freddy were facing the Ghostbusters I would bet on Venkman and the rest, as he never seems to do much to adults.
For today, I offer up the question of who would win; the Three Stooges (with Curly) versus Doug and Bob Mackenzie with their dog.